My Ever Changing Moods

How I'm Spending My Summer

2010-06-05T14:15:00.000-07:00

I'm spending the summer with a ten year old. This is a child I know well as we share DNA, but I'm learning SO much about him.

It's amazing how much bandwidth WORK takes out of your life. I'm not working outside the home this summer, instead hanging with my kid. I've never done this, I've always worked outside the home. Went back to work when he was 6 weeks old, with my breast pump in my suitcase.

But this summer - I'm blessed to hang with him, thanks to the extraordinary sacrifice of my husband.

Now I know I can't cram 10 years of parenting into 3 months. I'm a realist, that's not my intent. But it is fun being present with my son. I can sit and watch him play video games and listen to his stream of consciousness talk without my mind focused on bullshit at work or the call I need to make or conversation I have to have, etc.

He is a smart kid, but I didn't realize how sarcastic he is. We're going to have to work on that mouth. There have been days when I've had to get in his grill. Grab him in the collar and sort him out. I love him. I do, but I'm not tolerating disrespect or sarcasm...well at least not directed at hub and I. He can be sarcastic outside the house.

Inside of the house is sacred - for at least this summer.

Blinded by The Blind Side

2009-12-16T02:08:00.000-08:00

Some Evangelical Christian congregations are encouraging their members to go see "Blind Side". It's the story of a rich, white family from Memphis who take in a poor, young, black man as a member of the family. I'm curious to hear some of the sermons pastors are preaching inspired by this movie.

When we saw the movie, I admit I was surprised at the demographics. Most of the commercials advertising the movie we saw on ESPN. It was being marketed as a sports feel good movie, so I expected to see lots of dads and sons. Not the case at all - almost more women then men and older women. Lots of adults, not a lot of families with kids. In fact my kid was one of the few in the theater and he and I were the only people of color.

This is a true story, and I have to admit I was very cynical about this movie before knowing that. You can't really be cynical about someone's life story, can you?

What has been incredibly interesting to me is the reacton of people to the movie. Folks were dabbing their eyes at the theatre we saw it at - and I've read blogs and reviews where people are saying this is one of the best movies they've ever seen.

There was a great piece in The Onion after Election Day 2008 that told white people to stop smiling at black people in the street (celebrating the Obama win). I kinda wonder if white Evangelical Christians can now be found trolling inner-city neighborhoods looking for their own Michael Oher's to adopt.

Here are some takeaways that I think would be really great from this movie, especially since it's attracting a lot of people of faith.

1) Children need intact families. Let's all work in our communities to ensure families have what they need to thrive. Jobs, health care, affordable housing, great schools, love.

2) All children can learn. The family in this movie was incredibly blessed financially so they were able to pay for a highly educated tutor to tutor their adopted son. Now the goal was to get a higher grade so he could play football and get a scholarship. No comment about that. But this child was written off and it took the dedication of innovative teachers and a top notch tutor to get through to him. What an incredible country we'd be if all kids had that.

3) The best moms carry Gucci bags. Ok - well maybe not - but Sandra Bullock rocked some of the hottest Gucci bags that I've seen in a minute.

4) We are all a family. At the end of the movie there are clips of the homicides and incarcerations of young black men in Memphis. Sandra Bullock's character is talking about the lost lives of these men and laments that one of those boys could be her son. For people of faith we are all brothers and sisters so we should love, pray and take care of one another as if we really believe that. Regardless of race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, athletic ability or lack thereof. Instead though of thinking that one of the dead or locked up boys could be her son, imagine the systems change that we could affect if we all operated as if those kids were our sons.

Random Thoughts

2009-11-25T03:00:00.000-08:00

In a response on one of the news sites, someone posted "Why are we comparing the Obama Administration to Camelot? Do we really wish adultery, assassination and pain on others?" God rest the souls of JFK and JKO but - think about it?

Hearing Adele makes me miss Alison Moyet even more.

I love watching my son move through the world. This is a kid that was prayed for and lovingly welcomed into the world. You see that confidence in his choices and his interactions. You see that humility in how he takes cares of those he loves and those he doesn't know.

Getting my hair done a couple of weeks ago and the stylist, a young white woman, was like "You have the prettiest hair". Then the owner, a not so young white man came over to play in my hair and tell me how lovely it was. Now, yeah, I'm a paying customer, but it didn't dawn on me until after the fact about the irony of two white folks loving on my hair. I wish those black women for whom this type of stuff matters and makes a difference on their psyche - past and present could hear that.

People are paying money to hear black women conduct seminars on how to "catch" a non-black man. For real? Are you kidding me? Let me sign my ass up to do one of those seminars. I'll travel all over this damn country - and for another $100.00 I'll share my secrets on how to have a biracial kid, white mother in law and asian/german male dear friend. WTH?

Doo Rags and Hope

2009-06-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

My son and I were in the store today and he's talking a mile a minute to me while I'm half listening and digging through my purse to find my discount card. Out of the corner of my eye I see the clerk watching him in that way that clerks watch boys who touch everything on the counter. She knows nothing of his heart, his brilliance, his humor and the way that he can charm congressmen and kids. She sees the doo rag in his hand, the basketball jersey on his chest and continues watching him to make sure he doesn't finger the emery boards or hot oil treatments on the counter.

"Mama", he says picking up a donation box for breast cancer, "you need to donate some money to breast cancer". "mm hmm", I say looking at my phone to see what call I missed. Then he says, "the breast cancer money goes to the city of hope. That's where Bill Clinton is born". I immediately busted out laughing and the clerk stops mean mugging my kid and looks at him like he's normal and not a threat to emery boards and hot oil treatments. "Bill Clinton was the Governor of Arkansas, Mama..he was born in ..." and the kid then goes on and tells me how Clinton's father died, how he went to Oxford and a couple of other facts about him.

The clerk stops (true story) ringing me up and goes "How does he know that". "He's reading Bill Clinton's book", I say while exercising some restraint and not saying anything sarcastic. "Wow, he must be smart", she says. "He is", I say, "I'm pretty blessed he's a gifted kid and really curious about stuff." She finishes ringing me up and hands me my bag. "It's good he likes to read", she says. "Yep", I say as she hands me my oil sheen and the kid's doo-rag. "Have a nice day", I say and me and my mini Clinton wikipedia leaves the store.

Maybe by the time I need to replace another doo-rag, my son will have finished Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton's book and can give the clerk some comparative analysis while I'm comparing oil sheen.

New and Different

2009-05-27T01:45:00.000-07:00

I moved to a new city, hired two new staff people, fired one, moved into a new office, inaugurated a new president and started a new workout regime all since December. If I were to take one of those stress tests that measures change I'd probably be off the radar. It's all good, though - because for the most part I like change. New and different have never freaked me out in fact I get bored easily so new and different are around quite frequently.

The new city has been interesting because it's nothing like the old city. This is the first time in my life where I've ever lived someplace where I haven't laid roots or dug my heels in because I'm too busy looking back at the old place as better. Not East Orange for Foxboro, not Irvington for Franklin, not anywhere. My mantra has always been the party is where I'm at. I make the party..but I can't quite get the party started here.

I'm struggling to find a church home - I like one community, my kid likes another. They could NOT be any more different. The only thing they have in common in Jesus. One is large one isn't. One has contemporary music and video screens one doesn't. One is in the burbs, one is downtown. Lots of stuff. I gotta pray through it.

There's also the diversity...or lack thereof. I told my hub when we first moved down here, I went a good two months before seeing a black man in a suit. I saw lots of black men on wanted signs because the police department uses electronic billboards to post information on wanted criminals. Every time I saw one of those faces I wondered for how many people was that the only black male face they saw in the town. I was also hard pressed to find non-white folks in the grocery store, Walmart, anyplace. I guess we were on the wrong side of town for that - or whatever. Is there a right and wrong side of town to expect interaction with folks of different races, ethnicities and socio-economic status?

The one thing that really killed me though was when people would tell me "Oh, you'll love it here. It's a great place to raise a family." I know I looked so dumb when they said that to me because I couldn't believe it. Until I realized that the things that make a place great to raise a family for ME...was of course not the same things that make a place great to raise a family for other folk.

So what do you do? Well, there is that cliche about being the change you want or whatever. If I value diversity - then I need to live it. I need to stop sucking my teeth when my kid is the only kid of color at summer camp or one of few at kid's choir or baseball. Dig my heels in and represent the best I can, right? I had a great black mama moment when I went on the 3rd grade field trip. All the kids on my watch had anti-bacterial gel applied to them constantly (no I didn't ply vaseline on their faces, although it was cold and if I had of had some with me...), they also got covered with a blanket when it was cold..and in the best moment of all, my hand did go on my hip and I did yell at the top of my lungs to about a dozen kids who did exactly what I told them..even though none of them shared DNA with me. I wonder what THAT dinner conversation was like when they got home.

If I want a community where the arts are important - then I gotta take my kid not only to the African American museum, but to the art museum and the children's museum and stop sucking my teeth that they are not as good as the old city. Of course they aren't the old city's are older and have more money and you can do more and be more when you're older and have more money.

So I guess I gotta cut the new place some slack. New and different never really meant better or worse for me, I guess there was just more new and different stuff to keep my mind off of the old and same stuff I was leaving.

Thanksgiving Weekend

2008-11-30T03:09:00.000-08:00

It's the last day of the long holiday weekend. I woke up this morning thinking of all the stuff I didn't get accomplished - pack, clean out the closet, clean up the kid's room, get some work done. Before I started to let all of that Ididn'tdo anxiety stress me out - thank God I quickly realized all I did get accomplished - celebrated Thanksgiving with the hub's family, hung out with hub and kid, went to my girl's 40th birthday dinner, took two glorious naps, started a great book. Lots of fun stuff. I guess I can get the other stuff done at the end of December.

Michael Jackson Renaissance

2008-07-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

"...don't you carry nuthin' that might be a load. Come on and ease on down..ease on down the road".

We have been jamming to The Wiz in my house today. Hub and I hadn't seen it years and the kid has never seen it, so I reserved it at the local library and picked it up today.

The kid is responsible for a Michael Jackson renaissance in our house of late. Starting back in Easter when hub received the 25th Anniversary Thriller CD in his Easter Basket (yeah, that's another post..and yes, I'm well aware that Easter is about the Resurrection of Christ not bunnies and candies and mess). Anyway..the kid became mesmerized by the pre-weird, still black (somewhat) Michael Jackson in all of his 80's glory. This is the Michael that went to the White House and hung out with Reagan, glamorized greasy jheri curls and had people all over the world jamming to his music. It was an amazing (except for Reagan) time.

My eight year old sat just as transfixed watching the Motown 25 performance of Billie Jean a few months ago - just like I had back in 1983 on the night when he performed it live.

At first - I didn't quite get the kid's interest in MJ. I mean this is a ChrisBrownSeanKingstonRihannaChaChaSlide listening to kid. He's constantly dogging the hub and I about our music. I mean when you were born in 2000....Jay Z is old school. But something about the pre-weird, still black Micheal and his music and genius has connected with the kid.

So I've dug out my old copy of Off the Wall, gotten on Amazon.com to look for Jackson's An American Dream and have been checking out the oldies racks for old J5 collections.

I'm thinking we'll let the MJ history lesson stop with the Bad album. That's kinda when he lost the plot. Banging up cars, grabbing his crotch and bleaching his face and stuff. Crazy.

When the kid asks for the post Bad album, I'll stick The Wiz DVD in again. I mean it has Richard Pryor, Nipsey Russell and the lovely Lena Horne - not to mention MJ in a really, sweet, brilliant performance as the scarecrow.

Come on and Ease on down the Road - indeed!!

I Didn't Believe He Could Fly

2008-06-15T16:23:00.000-07:00

Once again the sexual victimization of a black woman at the hands of a black man has been dismissed...not to mention ignored and joked about. Last week a jury in Chicago acquitted R&B singer, R Kelly of his charges involving child porn. Yes there is that infamous tape (no, I haven't seen it - though I've been offered) and yes there is his history of liking young women. However, a jury of his peers in his hometown did not find enough evidence to convict Kelly of any wrongdoing. Wow, wow and wow.

I told RB that the smartest thing Tawana Brawley did back in the day was to claim white men as her attackers not black men. You can best believe there is no way Al Sharpton would have holed her butt up in a church on a story that brothers raped her. Yeah - the child lied, yeah she went through a whole lot (understandable if you know the wrath of black parents when missing curvew) in concocting such an incredulous story - but politically she knew that in order to get black folk to buy her story she had to make her attackers white. That says a lot about a lot.

Essence...I hardly know ya

2008-06-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

My internship at Essence Magazine was one of the highlights of my senior year of college and the bar by which I set my future professonal forays. I interned in January 1991 during the first (or second) Essence Fiction contest. It was also during the infancy of Operation Desert Storm and I have fond memories of Editor in Chief Susan Taylor stopping by my desk to ask about my mother (first) and then my brother who was in the Marine Corps. I also worked with the most incredibly talented and serious men and women. Stephanie Stokes Oliver and Angela Kinamore supervised me daily. Veronica Chambers was on staff as an editorial assistant, I believe. Entertainment maestro Gordon Chambers and I would chat about the crew I knew from Brown University - he would also rave about the headscarves that I wore. It was a magical time where I was nurtured but never coddled. I wish all students would have an internship where they felt valued and where people took the time to impart knowledge.

The Essence of today though - is a far cry from my 90's Essence. Yes, diva extraordinaire Mikki Taylor was at the helm of the beauty and fashion department. But babies - I do NOT remember pages full of $3900 boots or $100 skin cream (yes, I'm giving room for inflation). My college and young adult Essence didn't roll like that. This magazine is SO foreign to me. I had not had a subscription for years and accepted the eye rolls and incredulous looks that I received from other black women - in my family and not when I told them that.

My black female card gets snatched so often (and has since I was born) by sisters that I'm used to not fitting in. There are so many reasons for that - my not giving a damn about how my hair looks (I worry more about what's in my brain), my taste in music, men, politics, travel AND that fact that I can't cook for naught. About a year ago - I decided to give Essence another shot. If I could read Marie Claire and InStyle surely I could give old Essence a try.

It's been a challenge. More often than not I pass right over the monthly book club lists (groups in Savannah, Montclair and Denver reading the latest ghetto lit), the celebrity profiles (Tyler Perry's house, The Blactresses' wax poetic and too many features on Jada Pinkett Smith to even shake a stick at) - and THEN there are the fashion spreads. Yes, I LOVE the diversity of the models from the lightest light to the darkest dark and thin, thick and everything in between. What KILLS me though are the "How to get out of debt" pieces right next to the articles about Christian Lacroix shoes. Are you kidding me?

Oldheads sit in barber shops and beauty parlors all over this country and lament over young people killing each other behind LeBron and Jordan shoes. I wonder why. I'll probably see more real Gucci and Louis Vuitton bags at Black Expo this summer hanging off the arms of people living in they momma's house.

Oh well - I'll wait for the next issue. It will be around Essence Music Festival time so that will surely warrant a Mary J. Blige or Jill Scott cover. In the meantime, I may holla at Marie Claire to see what's new at Target this summer.

..And a Little Child Shall Lead Them

2008-05-24T14:55:00.001-07:00

Even though I abhor war, I am the proud sister of a US Marine Corps member. My brother was in Desert Storm (craziness - the theatre launched on Martin Luther King Day back in 1991) and thankfully made it home alive and sane.

I have nothing against military service it's not something that I wish for myself and quite frankly for my son. I'm all about voluntary service. The idea of folk choosing to go into the military because they feel they have no other options - makes me sad. I've been telling my eight year old for the past eight years to promise me that he will never join the military. There are tons of other ways to demonstrate that you are a patriot and love your country, I say. Don't let the war mongers try to pull the patriot card on you because you don't want to join the military. Well, I guess eight years of yapping has paid off. Last night I asked the kid to give me three things that you can do to show that you love the country.

Here is what he said:

* Run for President
* Recycle
* Write Picket Signs

My hub said, "What would be on the picket signs?", "Don't litter", he said and "Be nice".

Words to live by indeed!!

Hillary in Indianapolis

2008-03-30T03:45:00.000-07:00

My son and I had the opportunity to hear Hillary Clinton during her stop in Indy. It was an incredible experience to hear first hand from the candidate and her vision for an American future under her leadership. It was also exciting to expose my son to a real life civic lesson. We were fortunate enough to get escorted into the event by members of the Clinton advance team and my son was able to talk with them and get a real high level (8 year old) version of what running a campaign involves. He got that look on his face that he gets when he is really engaged or impressed with something. At the end of the event he turned to me and said, "Mama. I think I will work on a campaign when I grow up".

This country could only be so lucky.

Peace!

Cool Stuff Part 2

2008-03-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

I'm two years away from turning 40 and loving every day of the journey. Lately - I have been finding myself saying and thinking things that I never would have dared or allowed myself to in my twenties and thirties up to this point. You know how your nana or aunties would always say the CRAZIEST stuff to you - and you would be like "I can't believe this chick just said that". I'm slowly turning into that chick. It's all good, though - just like I said part of this new journey and becoming comfortable in the skin, place and time that God has gifted to me.

Having said all that - the almost 40 part is what led me to my first cool thing of this post. Charla Krupp's book "How Not to Look Old". I'm certainly no slave to fashion with my thrift store items in heavy rotation, but I'm all about getting some inside information on how to keep my glam on. This is a very well written book with tips for real women with real budgets (I'm about five minutes from having my mom cancel my Essence gift subscription if they have one more spread with $1100 boots and $600 suits...who the heck can do THAT).

Charla's book had high end stuff but she also had regular stuff that you can score at Target, Marshall's, TJ Maxx, etc.

Some of my other favorite things right now:

Law & Order - SVU - there used to be a test on nbc.com that analyzed your personality based on which L&O you liked. I'm SVU all the way. Mariska Hargitay is a bad chick!!!

Amy Winehouse - LOVE this girl. She can sing her butt off and while her life is a soap opera - you have to pray that she gets it together, gets cleaned up and is around to sing for years to come.

Niecy Nash - Clean House is must see TV for me. I live vicariously through all the LA folk (why don't they do these shows in Indianapolis) that are lucky enough to have their houses cleaned and reorganized. Niecy is the reason to watch the show - she is so sista girl real without being too over the top. She makes chaos and foolishness sound like cuss words.

Election 2008

2008-03-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

I cast my first vote via an absentee ballot in 1988 for Dukakis/Bentsen. The electoral process is exciting and affirming to me. This upcoming election will prove to be unique in so many ways. The current three contenders are all different from the straight, white men we typically elect in this country. McCain is a Vietnam Veteran, not a lawyer, not a blue blood. Clinton is a former first lady, working mother, female and Obama is a biracial former community organizer. How could you NOT be excited about the potential for change in November 2008.

My son is 8 and his class has been watching the primaries and following candidates. They have even voted on scholastic.com. This dude was HOT though when he came home from school one day. "Mama, how old do you have to be to vote", he asked. "18", I said. This kid was like "Dang. I can't VOTE".

Funny. I hope everyone who can vote - will. Think about my son and all of our sons and daughters when you do.

Cool Stuff

2007-10-06T17:56:00.000-07:00

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I live in the Midwest, so I'm blessed with the beautiful colors of the changing leaves and weekend jaunts to orchards, pumpkin patches and fields with great views of the blue sky. Yes - it's odd for a woman from Brick City to wax poetic about this kind of stuff - but I'm nothing if I'm not an eclectic, fabulous, mix of goodness.

There is a great deal of incredible creativity out in the world right now. A guilty pleasure I have allowed myself of late is a Sunday subscription to the New York Times. I love sitting on the couch after church - listening to the football games and being lost in the print wisdom that is the New York Times. The Book Review has kept me running to my local library as I've happily rediscovered the voracious reading addiction of my youth. I just finished reading, "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller, and if you're a believer of Jesus Christ or wondering how people get there - I highly recommend this book.

Miller is a regular dude, not some pious, self-righteous Super Christian. I found myself laughing with him, saying "Amen" and appreciating his journey as a regular man in love with a Divine Christ - and seeking how to make that love real and active in his life. What a treat.

I'm also listening to the brilliant Ryan Shaw - young brother from Decatur, Georgia with a New Jack (is that too much of a 90's term) spin on classic soul. I saw him live last week here in Indy and he was a marvel. First of all, he sings and has a band that plays music. In this day and age - that is a rarity. Go pick up his CD and more importantly see him live if you get the chance.

Back To School!!

2006-08-04T15:58:00.000-07:00

I can't believe my kid starts school next Tuesday. Wow. Where did the summer go? Just yesterday we were buying the first bottles of sunscreen on the store shelves, now I'm getting school clothes and checking out the new glue bottles for school supplies. One good thing about summer ending is the return of my new favorite show Footballer$ Wive$. This show on BBCAmerica is truly a hot mess..and I love it. Yeah, my friends have accused me of being a straight anglophile but you don't have to love all things British to get down with this show.

The Revolution will be Accessorized!!!

2006-05-02T02:18:00.000-07:00

Saturday my son performed at the White Privilege Conference in St. Louis. Their website is http://www.whiteprivilegeconference.com/. I didn't get a chance to attend the conference but browsed the information booths and chatted up some of the attendees and vendors. Since I LOVE to people watch - the conference provided me a golden opportunity to check out body types, interpersonal dynamics, touch styles - all the stuff that semi-voyeurs like myself peep when people watching.

Of course - going in to the conference I sterotyped folk based on my own stuff - vegan eating, patchouli smelling, prius driving, real liberal, progressive, pro-choice, pro-gay, pro everything people.

Scoping out the black women - my permed head, gold hoops, coach bag and really non-revolutionary outfit of stretchie jeans, a green hoodie and the savior to walking moms everywhere - blue crocs slides - was a rare look amidst the dreads, afros and no makeup wearing other chicks.

I've been to other book signings, conferences, art shows, protests, etc. where sisters are clad in lovely hemp skirts with natural cotton t-shirts, birkenstocks and always the most exquisite natural hair. Me in sweats, digging in a ridiculously expensive bag to pull out MAC lipglass sometimes gets me some serious stares. But heck - I mean I'm a revolutionary (sorta), too. I might roll up to the joint in an SUV instead of a Prius, but I'm there. I might have to dig out my pen from a Coach bag - but I write the checks. Healthy communities for our kids, sane economic policy, racial and gender justice that's all just as important to me as the LV Speedy Bag I'm pining for.

Getting Started

2006-05-02T01:38:00.000-07:00

Finally bit the bullet and started a blog. It's one of the list-crossing off things that always amazes me with the level of satisfaction that completing provides. Y'know - like cleaning the bathrooms or getting around to dropping that bag of clothes to Goodwill. I've been trying to do this for a minute - so yippee--lots of props to insomnia I guess for being the catalyst to get this done.