Run It!

I started running after Halloween.  This is my second attempt to run.  I was motivated by my son, who kicked ass on his first 5k with my long-running, accomplished, marathon husband.  My first attempt  at running was two years ago.  It started with a run and stride assessment at Fleet Feet Shoes in Nashville.  I walked out with a great pair of shoes, inserts, socks and a deer in the headlights feeling.  My first attempt found me on the treadmill at our apartment complex and every now and then at the local track.  It wasn't fun, didn't feel good and I wasn't feeling it.  So I stopped.

This summer, my son - motivated by my husband who had completed the Richmond Marathon and the National Half Marathon - decided he wanted to do a 5k.  They started training in the summer and all through fall.  I was so proud to watch my fit husband and my fit kid getting their run on.  On race day, I took my position of bag watcher, sign holder and finish cheerer solo.  My son who usually assumed the race position with me, now got his own bib and was running with his dad.  I was left in my race position solo, while my husband got the benefit of my race partner.  My husband's Half and Full Marathons have brought me to tears so you know when my son crossed the finish line of his first 5k, I was so proud and motivated. 

Not too long after my son's first race, hub's Runner's World article came.  Jay Jenni's brilliant piece on "Why is Running So White" spotlighted running groups for runners of color across the country.  I decided to get off the couch and reach out to the Black Girls Run chapter in DC.  Next Saturday I joined them to walk/run...mostly walk.   I LOVED it.   This is the most positive group of women, knowledgable runners, interesting folk and really affirming for runners at all stages of their journeys.  If new runners like me can connect with ultra marathoners and find some common ground, you know the group is fabulous.

So here I am today.  10lbs lighter than this Halloween.  My bank account is also lighter thanks to new shoes, bras, gear, gadgets and race fees.  I LOVE it, though.  Ran my first 5k on the coldest Sunday of the year.  My hub will be running the Boston Marathon on April 16th and I'm running the BAA 5K on April 15th.  I'll have to dust off the sign for him to hold up for me on the 15th!

First Son

Posted on Facebook - 1/24/09

I wonder how America would look at little boys of color if the Obamas had a son. I've read comments from parents with daughters of color who are ecstatic about the fact that in Sasha and Malia Obama perhaps people now see their daughters value and will respect them as children, honor them and work to improve their lives. With the ways that boys of color in this country are mistreated and not honored - I just thought hmm--how would we view little boys of color if the Obamas had say Sasha, Malia AND Malik for instance. Would little Malik get a Beanie Baby and a Jonas Brothers serenade? Would Billy Ray Cyrus be so quick to let Miley be all up in HIS grill? Just a thought...

Keri and Beyonce

Posted on Facebook - 2/27/11

It's been a bad week for young singing stars (in my opinion) Keri Hilson and Beyonce. Hilson went on the Chelsea Handler show (mistake no. 1 - ok, just playin') and said "I'm not Black, I'm Caramel". Beyonce posed in blackface for a European Vogue magazine demonstrating (in her words) her level of support and love for Nigerian musician/activist Fela Kuti.

Not to mention that CNN reported that both Beyonce and Mariah Carey played private concerts for Khadafi's son.

Ok - so here is were some grace and Dr. Angelou's quote about "When you know better, you do better" comes in. Yes, I thought it was incredibly stupid and insensitive (not even GOING there about the concerts for hire) of both Hilson and Beyonce. Hilson has a song out right now about being pretty, she is a mediocre vocalist at best and we all know TONS of family members, friends, babysitters and cashiers at Whole Foods who can sing CIRCLES around her ass. BUT - no record deals for them coz they are not pretty or caramel. Same thing for Beyonce - when she was little, she was home schooled and practiced for HOURS, groomed to be a singing star. No one took her to Amiri Baraka lectures or museums or made 60 Minutes must see Sunday TV since 1975. ( I could not name all the Sylvers but I sure as hell could tell you who Andy Rooney and Mike Wallace were). Mama and Papa Knowles probably didn't school her about racism, colorism and classism but I bet she knows how to write a contract rider and identify the best lighting and sound in a room.

Yes, Hilson and Beyonce are both grown. Yes, they have a diverse fan base. Yes, they both said/did really stupid things this week. Yes, people should hold them accountable. We also should educate BOTH of them and explain to them the madness and ignorance of what they did.

We had a birthday dinner for my girlfriend this week and I said that it was extremely possible that Beyonce had NO clue about the historical significance of blackface. She may know nothing about minstrels, Al Jolson, all of the sad, ugly history. My girlfriend said "How the f...could she not know about Amos and Andy on the radio and the ignorance of that" and I said "Easy. That's the kind of stuff your parents and grandparents equip you with...or not". Same thing with Hilson...if she was brought up all of her life being told she was a pretty, caramel child...how can you expect anything more of her.

I'm not giving either of them a pass just offering up that sometime before we cuss people out about being stupid...we gotta take a step back to find out why they are stupid...or how they got stupid.

My hub was sure that our child knew what blackface was....so he asked him. Child thought blackface was a rapper. He had NO clue. So - we definitely have some education to do as well. Because heaven forbid - I see my child posed in a magazine or on Facebook at some frat party in blackface....or worse...telling some reporter that he is caramel or cablinasian.

When we know better...we do better.

How I'm Spending My Summer

I'm spending the summer with a ten year old.  This is a child I know well as we share DNA, but I'm learning SO much about him.

It's amazing how much bandwidth WORK takes out of your life.  I'm not working outside the home this summer, instead hanging with my kid.  I've never done this, I've always worked outside the home.  Went back to work when he was 6 weeks old, with my breast pump in my suitcase.

But this summer - I'm blessed to hang with him, thanks to the extraordinary sacrifice of my husband. 

Now I know I can't cram 10 years of parenting into 3 months.  I'm a realist, that's not my intent.  But it is fun being present with my son.  I can sit and watch him play video games and listen to his stream of consciousness talk without my mind focused on bullshit at work or the call I need to make or conversation I have to have, etc. 

He is a smart kid, but I didn't realize how sarcastic he is.  We're going to have to work on that mouth.  There have been days when I've had to get in his grill.  Grab him in the collar and sort him out.  I love him.  I do, but I'm not tolerating disrespect or sarcasm...well at least not directed at hub and I.  He can be sarcastic outside the house.

Inside of the house is sacred - for at least this summer. 

Blinded by The Blind Side

Some Evangelical Christian congregations are encouraging their members to go see "Blind Side". It's the story of a rich, white family from Memphis who take in a poor, young, black man as a member of the family. I'm curious to hear some of the sermons pastors are preaching inspired by this movie.

When we saw the movie, I admit I was surprised at the demographics. Most of the commercials advertising the movie we saw on ESPN. It was being marketed as a sports feel good movie, so I expected to see lots of dads and sons. Not the case at all - almost more women then men and older women. Lots of adults, not a lot of families with kids. In fact my kid was one of the few in the theater and he and I were the only people of color.

This is a true story, and I have to admit I was very cynical about this movie before knowing that. You can't really be cynical about someone's life story, can you?

What has been incredibly interesting to me is the reacton of people to the movie. Folks were dabbing their eyes at the theatre we saw it at - and I've read blogs and reviews where people are saying this is one of the best movies they've ever seen.

There was a great piece in The Onion after Election Day 2008 that told white people to stop smiling at black people in the street (celebrating the Obama win). I kinda wonder if white Evangelical Christians can now be found trolling inner-city neighborhoods looking for their own Michael Oher's to adopt.

Here are some takeaways that I think would be really great from this movie, especially since it's attracting a lot of people of faith.

1) Children need intact families. Let's all work in our communities to ensure families have what they need to thrive. Jobs, health care, affordable housing, great schools, love.

2) All children can learn. The family in this movie was incredibly blessed financially so they were able to pay for a highly educated tutor to tutor their adopted son. Now the goal was to get a higher grade so he could play football and get a scholarship. No comment about that. But this child was written off and it took the dedication of innovative teachers and a top notch tutor to get through to him. What an incredible country we'd be if all kids had that.

3) The best moms carry Gucci bags. Ok - well maybe not - but Sandra Bullock rocked some of the hottest Gucci bags that I've seen in a minute.

4) We are all a family. At the end of the movie there are clips of the homicides and incarcerations of young black men in Memphis. Sandra Bullock's character is talking about the lost lives of these men and laments that one of those boys could be her son. For people of faith we are all brothers and sisters so we should love, pray and take care of one another as if we really believe that. Regardless of race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, athletic ability or lack thereof. Instead though of thinking that one of the dead or locked up boys could be her son, imagine the systems change that we could affect if we all operated as if those kids were our sons.

Random Thoughts

In a response on one of the news sites, someone posted "Why are we comparing the Obama Administration to Camelot? Do we really wish adultery, assassination and pain on others?" God rest the souls of JFK and JKO but - think about it?

Hearing Adele makes me miss Alison Moyet even more.

I love watching my son move through the world. This is a kid that was prayed for and lovingly welcomed into the world. You see that confidence in his choices and his interactions. You see that humility in how he takes cares of those he loves and those he doesn't know.

Getting my hair done a couple of weeks ago and the stylist, a young white woman, was like "You have the prettiest hair". Then the owner, a not so young white man came over to play in my hair and tell me how lovely it was. Now, yeah, I'm a paying customer, but it didn't dawn on me until after the fact about the irony of two white folks loving on my hair. I wish those black women for whom this type of stuff matters and makes a difference on their psyche - past and present could hear that.

People are paying money to hear black women conduct seminars on how to "catch" a non-black man. For real? Are you kidding me? Let me sign my ass up to do one of those seminars. I'll travel all over this damn country - and for another $100.00 I'll share my secrets on how to have a biracial kid, white mother in law and asian/german male dear friend. WTH?

Doo Rags and Hope

My son and I were in the store today and he's talking a mile a minute to me while I'm half listening and digging through my purse to find my discount card. Out of the corner of my eye I see the clerk watching him in that way that clerks watch boys who touch everything on the counter. She knows nothing of his heart, his brilliance, his humor and the way that he can charm congressmen and kids. She sees the doo rag in his hand, the basketball jersey on his chest and continues watching him to make sure he doesn't finger the emery boards or hot oil treatments on the counter.

"Mama", he says picking up a donation box for breast cancer, "you need to donate some money to breast cancer". "mm hmm", I say looking at my phone to see what call I missed. Then he says, "the breast cancer money goes to the city of hope. That's where Bill Clinton is born". I immediately busted out laughing and the clerk stops mean mugging my kid and looks at him like he's normal and not a threat to emery boards and hot oil treatments. "Bill Clinton was the Governor of Arkansas, Mama..he was born in ..." and the kid then goes on and tells me how Clinton's father died, how he went to Oxford and a couple of other facts about him.

The clerk stops (true story) ringing me up and goes "How does he know that". "He's reading Bill Clinton's book", I say while exercising some restraint and not saying anything sarcastic. "Wow, he must be smart", she says. "He is", I say, "I'm pretty blessed he's a gifted kid and really curious about stuff." She finishes ringing me up and hands me my bag. "It's good he likes to read", she says. "Yep", I say as she hands me my oil sheen and the kid's doo-rag. "Have a nice day", I say and me and my mini Clinton wikipedia leaves the store.

Maybe by the time I need to replace another doo-rag, my son will have finished Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton's book and can give the clerk some comparative analysis while I'm comparing oil sheen.

New and Different

I moved to a new city, hired two new staff people, fired one, moved into a new office, inaugurated a new president and started a new workout regime all since December. If I were to take one of those stress tests that measures change I'd probably be off the radar. It's all good, though - because for the most part I like change. New and different have never freaked me out in fact I get bored easily so new and different are around quite frequently.

The new city has been interesting because it's nothing like the old city. This is the first time in my life where I've ever lived someplace where I haven't laid roots or dug my heels in because I'm too busy looking back at the old place as better. Not East Orange for Foxboro, not Irvington for Franklin, not anywhere. My mantra has always been the party is where I'm at. I make the party..but I can't quite get the party started here.

I'm struggling to find a church home - I like one community, my kid likes another. They could NOT be any more different. The only thing they have in common in Jesus. One is large one isn't. One has contemporary music and video screens one doesn't. One is in the burbs, one is downtown. Lots of stuff. I gotta pray through it.

There's also the diversity...or lack thereof. I told my hub when we first moved down here, I went a good two months before seeing a black man in a suit. I saw lots of black men on wanted signs because the police department uses electronic billboards to post information on wanted criminals. Every time I saw one of those faces I wondered for how many people was that the only black male face they saw in the town. I was also hard pressed to find non-white folks in the grocery store, Walmart, anyplace. I guess we were on the wrong side of town for that - or whatever. Is there a right and wrong side of town to expect interaction with folks of different races, ethnicities and socio-economic status?

The one thing that really killed me though was when people would tell me "Oh, you'll love it here. It's a great place to raise a family." I know I looked so dumb when they said that to me because I couldn't believe it. Until I realized that the things that make a place great to raise a family for ME...was of course not the same things that make a place great to raise a family for other folk.

So what do you do? Well, there is that cliche about being the change you want or whatever. If I value diversity - then I need to live it. I need to stop sucking my teeth when my kid is the only kid of color at summer camp or one of few at kid's choir or baseball. Dig my heels in and represent the best I can, right? I had a great black mama moment when I went on the 3rd grade field trip. All the kids on my watch had anti-bacterial gel applied to them constantly (no I didn't ply vaseline on their faces, although it was cold and if I had of had some with me...), they also got covered with a blanket when it was cold..and in the best moment of all, my hand did go on my hip and I did yell at the top of my lungs to about a dozen kids who did exactly what I told them..even though none of them shared DNA with me. I wonder what THAT dinner conversation was like when they got home.

If I want a community where the arts are important - then I gotta take my kid not only to the African American museum, but to the art museum and the children's museum and stop sucking my teeth that they are not as good as the old city. Of course they aren't the old city's are older and have more money and you can do more and be more when you're older and have more money.

So I guess I gotta cut the new place some slack. New and different never really meant better or worse for me, I guess there was just more new and different stuff to keep my mind off of the old and same stuff I was leaving.